i wish peter jackson would direct porn
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
