I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
