I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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