i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
