Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
