he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
