why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
