you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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