Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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