That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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