I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
