You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
