He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
