My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
