It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
