New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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