What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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