Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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