I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
