I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
