I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Randomize
