also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
