I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
