What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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