just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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