Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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