we have pet lesbian snakes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
