The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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