plz talk dirty to me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
