It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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