my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
