I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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