highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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