Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
