Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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