she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have post one night stand depression
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