YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
