Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
