If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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