so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
