Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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