Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
