Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
