there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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