I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
