Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
