I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I understand Curling. That high.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
