I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
