He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
People in love make me want to vomit
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
