how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize