Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
