So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
