It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There was a lot of him and a little penis
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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