I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
