Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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