Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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