I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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