the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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