I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
