Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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