if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
