end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize