the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
