i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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