just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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