I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i think im in europe. pls send help
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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