While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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