He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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