The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize