In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize